Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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