Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Even the bartender felt bad for me
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
