I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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