I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
