we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
