Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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