reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
