Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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