Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I can't turn off my feet"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
