I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
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