My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
