Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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