Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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