I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
