Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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