Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
