I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
