i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize