Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
