There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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