she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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