I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
