Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
