Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
