using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
