There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
