the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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