i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Im part way to drunk.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
