Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Four minutes until I can fart!
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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