It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
