just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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