my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
