You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Actions speak louder than pants.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
