My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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