and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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