Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
