YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Randomize
