If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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