for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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