i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
