I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Randomize
