you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
