and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
