i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My dick has a subreddit
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
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