Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
