There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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