That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
