Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
