remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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