you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
