I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Randomize
