I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize