I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
