So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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