life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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