Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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