considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
