did you get engaged???
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
