Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
