He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
