Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
