it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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