I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
