We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
