my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My legs feel like baby dolphins
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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