I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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