she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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