I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
