I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We need to get me chipped asap
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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