I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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